Kneadful Things

Good Gravy, DISNEY EGGS? SERIOUSLY?

I am pretty sure these are the most ri-friggen-diculous thing I have seen in a LONG time. Seriously? Are times really that bad for Disney that they need to print Goofy on an EGG SHELL? The eggs aren't even cage free or organic, my goodness.

More Reasons to NOT let your kids be tv watching couch potatoes as if the AAP's recommendations weren't enough.   

So now, Elijah is ONE and my world is now upside-down. A walking and talking toddler is much more of a challenge than a crawling and/or more stationary munchkin. His birthday party was WONDERFUL and I shall post pics of his AMAZING cake and things later, as I need to find another USB cord!

It came to me at his first birthday. I will, one day, be a soccer mom. Terrifying. Anyone got any mom jeans they are trying to unload?

Happy Valentine's Day!

Can I just say how glad I am that I won't be spending this V-day in the hospital hooked up to fluids? That was my Vday last year. Elijah came just a few weeks later. I still cannot believe that Eli is going to be a year old. It's bananas.

But here is my theory about VDay. It sucks. This year, the week of VDay, has Friday the 13th, a full moon, and the craptastic holiday that is Vday. That being said, I still made heart-shaped brownies and bought a steak. I am succumbing.

I cannot promise that I won't be the woman that takes the grocery store bouquet out the window, through the glass. The likelihood is there. It could happen.

I am possibly the least sexy woman on the planet. I can see myself completely screwing up and stripteasing to Enya or something similarly un-sexified.

"Would you like to play strip connect-4 with me?" My pasties would actually be made from paste. GO ME! It's quite amazing I am still married. THANK GOD I married an uptight Chinese man.

Bah Valbug.

Peanut Butter, the FDA, and chocolate cake.

SO, the new line (or old line) of thinking is that delaying introducing certain foods can INCREASE the risk of food allergies...woo hoo, more to think about. So guess what? My family has NO history of ANY food allergies, not a one!  (My problem with wheat has to do with a gastro-intestinal surgery I had) So this month, Elijah will get chocolate and peanut butter a few days apart. He has already had sesame, lactose, and wheat. And he loves them all. (Save for mac and cheese, he hates mac and cheese. Weird kid)

But you see, I have a conundrum. The FDA sucks. They can't get it together to save their life. They should marry FEMA and create a "Roseanne" like television reality show. Now, even though brand-name organic peanut butter has so far been exempt from the salmonella outbreak. THOSE BASTARDS INVADED MY GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. What the hell? I guess I can only enjoy the thin mints. Now, if they could only get rid of the TFA's in them. SERIOUSLY, GIRL SCOUTS, YOU ARE BEHIND THE CURVE ON THIS. Even Costco took the crap out.

Elijah, for his first birthday, will be getting a cake shaped like Mr Met. In glorious chocolate and vanilla. I am making his mess cake (but not Mr Met, I am NOT that talented) purely chocolate. yummmmmm. I will surely post pictures of the Mets Extravaganza.

BTW, I think that CitiField should be renamed "Federal Field" as the TARP funds are now holding CITIBANK afloat. All in favor?

Thank You President Obama

Thank you for making signing the "Lily Ledbetter" fair pay act into law.

Thank you for making it clear to employers that I am worth as much as my husband.

Thank you that my niece might never have to be concerned with her value in the workplace.

Thank you for helping us chip away at this glass ceiling.

Presidentini, BidenBlue, and ChangeCar. For an adult inaguration celebration.

BidenBlue

2 oz blue curacao

1 oz light rum

1 oz stoli peach

splash of tonic or champagne

Presidentini

1.5 oz brandy

1 oz white chocolate liqueur

.5 oz grenadine

1.5 oz coconut milk

ChangeCar

2 oz hennesy

1 oz grand marnier

.5 oz orange juice

.5 oz lemon juice

salt and sugar rim

On a more fantastic note...

The house finally passed the "Lily Ledbetter Fair Pay Act" and the "Fair Paycheck Act." We may still only earn $.77 on the dollar of what a man makes, but it is a definite step in the right direction. Now, we can only hope and rally that some of those stimulus jobs will lean more towards the feminine.

Walking, Talking, and other nutty things.

So, Elijah is trying to walk. I have a feeling my life is about to change significantly. Even though, he is a speedy crawler, walking seems much more difficult to corral. I have a feeling, he is going to take off everywhere!

He has also added another word to his vast vocabulary of "up". Seems he now has a good grasp on "Uh Oh." Still no "MaMa" For that I must wait. Not that I am expecting him to spout Proust or anything, but Mama wouldn't be so bad.

His lovey is a gloworm. A gloworm that MUST glow. A gloworm that takes a D battery. WHO HAS D BATTERIES JUST LAYING AROUND?!?!?!? NO ONE!!!! Cosmic, earth-shattering, meltdown. The world ends if he doesn't glow and sing.

I am going to have to call my husband for him to pick some up on his way home....and maybe some Indian take-out.

holiday gluttony.

I didn't gain any weight, but I do feel fatter. I exercised my butt off after a week of cookies, cakes, mashed potatoes, creamed spinach, bread, donuts...I was beyond disgusting. The wine flowed heartily. Corona Light is only light for the first one....Elijah had a wonderful holiday. He finished an entire slice of butterscotch pie, he ate a lb of chili. He prefered the packaging to the toys. Just watching him on his first Christmas was the most wonderful, amazing thing. His eyes glowed at the lights on the houses and trees, he loves "Alvin" singing Christmas songs. He glitters in the attention of his family. He counted down his first new year. (if counting is the same imaginary # over and over again.) I am truly blessed to have my husband and my child with me this new year. They light up my world.

Why do teeth all have to come at once?

At 4 months, Elijah was teething horribly. On his 5 month birthday, the bottom two broke through.....good that's over. We get a great reprieve with our own little Toothy McGee for nearly 3 months, and then, the top tooth. And a virus, at the SAME TIME!! Two weeks later, the canines AND the other front tooth are at a race to the finish. God Bless motrin and frozen bottle nipples. (though, I think my own could use some freezing!) Oh and did I mention he is the fastest crawler in the west and REALLY wants to walk? Any way to DELAY that a bit? Seriously, the kid is NINE MONTHS OLD!  I am not really prepared for him walking.

But I AM SO TOTALLY FRIGGEN READY for this cat's first Christmas! His toys are wrapped and under the tree! And even though, as I speak, my cousin's water just broke, I am confident my baby will be deemed best and most popular! (just kidding, maybe.) Plus, I am bringing loads of confectionary greatness!  That always equals popular in my fat arse family. Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah, peeps!

The Douchebag Olympics have several new contenders. Who's going to take the gold?

 

Teens Charged In Nursing Home Abuse - December 2, 2008

Plaxico Burress is a sweatpant wearing douche.

Ed Rendell is a douchebag deluxe